“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves”
Victor E. Frankl
The quote that sums up the last 12 years of my life that lead me to becoming an unstoppable personal development devotee, looking inward and walking straight into my fears, as the insurance to live through the heart fired by my soul.
In the past 12 years I have immersed myself in an intentional commitment to personal development, studying the Art & Science of being Human through exploration of a diversity of spiritual studies, studying Consciousness, the Ego and the Soul and the Laws of the Universe, finding answers to the questions of ‘Why are we here?’, ‘What is my purpose?’, to Neuroscience, understanding the Brains Functions, Neuroplasticity and the cause and remedy for Addictions, as well as Quantum Physics, learning about the metaphysics of energy, how we as humans relate to it and how we shape our reality with our thoughts and emotions.
This simplified list of an ongoing internal and proactive process helped me to rewrite my story from being ‘affected’ and a victim of outward circumstances by my life to being the cause and creator of my life.
As a result of my journey of life and self discovery I noticed the innate and inseparable connection between mental health and an ignored & unexpressed creative need on a global scale.
Therefore I have made it my life’s calling to empower Artists and ‘Artists to be’, to stop ignoring their inner guru and to step into their power and be the cause of their true life’s desires.
The Self Actualization process brings confidence and a long term fulfilling and rewarding life.
“Truth is not something outside to be discovered, it is something inside to be realized.” ―
To give you a bit of context, despite being a life loving, excitable and cheerful person on the outside, with people in my close surrounding, I used to be painfully shy, socially anxious, afraid to speak up, suffering under extreme procrastination with self destructive habits, always in my head, ridden with anxiety about the future, difficulties with change, extremely self conscious, ‘feeling too much’ and having emotional ups and downs, people pleasing, never feeling part of something, being overly empathetic and very chaotic in all areas, which way later turned out to be classic traits of unaware neurodivergence, (in my case an Autistic ADHDer), which causes challenges simply because of working against one’s individual nature.
Even though my perception of life outwardly was always positive, internally I was truly suffering under it, as it was causing me to have negative thoughts despite of the grand outward positivity, have destructive relationships, real difficulties learning at school or university, to addictions and ongoing feelings of guilt, self criticism and despite my desire to want to create a free and enriching life as a future entrepreneur and help people, struggling massively to think or act in Business terms and create a life for myself on my own terms, nevertheless a damaged relationship to money, ‘hating it’, not able to attain it myself, nor hold it or spend it consciously. I was, as often being told ‘a mess’.
I lost myself completely in the process of all of the above, as I described it ‘I lost my soul’. I was being drawn into self created drama and other peoples drama, going with the ‘waves of life’, avoiding any kind of disharmony and jeaperdizing my own mental health and authenticity by ‘needing harmony’ and not seeing that I had any power over my life whatsoever. Fears of not being loved, accepted or liked & fears of abandonment.
I thought that the best thing to do was to just ride the waves and go with the flow, without knowing that going with the flow was shaping my life passively, through me.
I was creating my reality. But I did not know this until I was 23 years old. My creativity, not proactively channeled, it was finding it’s own way, passively, which will almost always turn out destructively.
When one evening in 2009, in a talk I was divinely guided to, I heard the words I needed to hear and I understood my influence I had on my life, I was moved to tears, as the search of something greater I always felt was at work, was finally revealed to me. It was like I was remembering, rather than being fed new information. That was the confirmation of my soul, things were simply being put into order for me. That was the beginning of me finding my answers inside me and stopping to look outwardly for answers, confirmation, validation and gratification.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Carl R. Rogers
At the time I was in the middle of a mentally and, moving into physically abusive, relationship.
The lecture I went to gave me insight into the control I had over my thoughts and the power of it shaping my reality. It gave me trust towards the best, most fulfilling outcome of my life, was on the other side of me moving out of victim-hood into self responsibility, moving outside my comfort zone.
This took me on a journey of moving myself intentionally through the extreme discomfort of social anxiety, rejection sensitivity dysmorphia, separating from destructive relationships, going through months of loneliness to get to blissful solitude and new environment of friends. Simply by doing what I feared to do, which at a stage was an extreme case of narcotics induced social phobia, which took me over 3 years to dodge.
Now, this process is ironic, because it is not about becoming someone different and changing, it is taking off the layers of who I was not and getting comfortable with my greatness I had hidden within underneath all the layers of fear and things I tried to be that I was not and therefore having a bunch of low vibrating feelings and thoughts within me. So only by loving who already was, accepting myself wholeheartedly and being grateful for who I am and what I have, was I able to shed layers and transform into who I am inside, which keeps giving throughout a lifetime.
If I had not accepted myself, with my flaws, my past mistakes and just stayed angry at myself, I couldn’t ever have changed.
It got me to stop my 13 year habit of smoking and had me change my life around within a few years from over a decade of weekly narcotics use to creating fulfilling long term relationships, healing family dynamics and creating synchronicity, of the things I consciously wanted to create with a bunch of miracles.
In the times that describe as having lost myself, I also lost my creativity. All of the above, moving through fears & not being spiritually lazy, I was supported through the strengthening of my connection to my soul, via getting to know and understand my own intuition and that was created via engaging with what I loved doing, by being creative.
I drew back on my inner and outer resources, following my creative desires and expression and being creative with my body through exercise and yoga, as well as being mindful of what I put into my body AND into my consciousness, being mindful of what I read and what I watched.
From not being able to draw anything any more at the worst of times, (the one thing I knew how to do best in my life) over time of resisting addictive urges and walking through the gates of my fears, and being proactive in being creative, I regained my life’s essence, I gained back my soul and since then it has been an ongoing journey, ever growing, ever evolving. I love this quote by Jim Rohn, that sums up the root of why I decided to transform:
“The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. “Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.”
This is what discovering my true creative expression, values, needs, desires and intuition has enabled me to do, to be able to impact the world positively and so can you.
“Creativity is the way I share my soul with the world” Brene Brown
Now years later, as an accredited and certified Artist Coach & Art Therapist I help artists and artists to be, who are highly sensitive, highly creative, neurodivergent, shy or misunderstood, undiscovered yet determined individuals to show up for themselves and create a new experience of life that is satisfying and rewarding by creating new neuropathways and karmic synchronistic events; serendipity.
My interest in helping people doesn’t stop at holding space to achieve goals, but also hold space for the truly difficult stages in life, as I wanted to be able to attend the whole person, this is why I studied Art Therapy as well as coaching, to access the unconscious hard to reach by words, ‘hidden to plain sight’ areas, which allows space for helping individuals through depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, trauma, family feuds, unmanifested wishes to bear a child, anxiety to leave the house and much more.
My clients successes vary between relief from Anxiety, depressive views on life, hopelessness, and unexpressed dreams, and has helped them set up up their own Art Businesses, create again after a period of creative drought, kickstart their vision and find their purpose, get their first gig or next gig as a musician, sell their first or next paintings or mend/transform their relationships and ultimately lose the fear that limited them all along from living the life they love and truly live it.
Human suffering ends with self actualized people all over the world, mastering their light. This is enabled through igniting & improving the connection of every individuals creativity, which brings courage, trust and confidence via unconditional sharing of kindness. Only hurt people hurt people, that is why everyone deserves a chance to work on their healing process and commit to their life creation process.
The answer to long lasting fulfilment in life lies in the discovery of and alignment to the individuals inner wisdom, true values, needs, desires and purpose.
That is why my approach is powerful, yet client led and humanistic in all ways and uniquely customized to the individual in front of me to meet the exact requirements for the clients outcomes best unfoldment.